(HERE BE SPOILS)

CAN ANYONE EXACTLY TELL ME WHERE IN THE BOOKS THESE ARE FROM?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?

TYRION DANY JORAH AND DAARIO?!?!?!?!?

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(HERE BE SPOILS)

ALRIGHT FOR ALL THE IDIOTS WHO ARE IDIOTS HERES A REFRESHER ON HARDHOME:

VIA WESTEROS.ORG

Hardhome sits on a sheltered bay and has natural harbor deep enough for the biggest ships afloat. Wood and stone are plentiful near there. The waters teem with fish, and there are colonies of seals and sea cows close at hand. A great cliff looms above the settlement, pocked with cave mouths.

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ANGRYGOTFAN: IF YOU THINK THERE COULD BE AN ARTICLE LIKE THIS WITHOUT SPOILERS THAN YOU ARE A STUPID IDIOT AND PROBABLY SHOULDNT BE INVOLVED IN A SERIES LIKE THIS TO BEGIN WITH MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET INTO SOME LIGHTER FAIRE LIKE THE LITTLEST ELF OR THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD OR LITTLE HARRY CAKESNIFFING POTTER THEN WE WILL ALL BE A LOT HAPPIER AND I WILL NOT HAVE TO WASTE MY TIME TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW STUPID YOU ARE OK THATS ENOUGH I WILL NOW END THIS SPOILER ALERT FOR STUPID IDIOTS

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Lady Shelly: HBO is releasing a documentary detailing a “Day in the Life” of Game of Thrones for the upcoming Season 5. The documentary airs Feb 8th. There is a trailer available now and it has some brand new footage of Season 5. Some people have been hesistant to believe me when we tell you that Season 5 is going to be fanfiction. Some people have called us such names as “snob”, “elitist” and even the always flattering “book jerk”, but now let’s see what we see…

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WELL HELLO THERE HOW ARE YOU TODAY THATS NICE LETS CHAT FOR A MINUTE WHY DONT YOU SITTLE ON DOWN AND LISTEN UP AND YOU LISTEN GOOD I AM GOING TO TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT HOW YOURE AN IDIOT

FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS IVE BEEN LISTENING TO WHAT YOU PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT HBO’S GAME OF THRONES SEASON FIVE – I APPLAUD THOSE OF YOU ARE FULL OF RIGHTEOUS BURNING INDIGNATION ABOUT THE UNBRAINLESS DECISION TO SEND JAIME AND BRONN TO DORNE OR THE MERCYLESS GANG MURDER OF PRINCESS ARIANNE

BUT SOME OF YOU ARE SAYING OTHER THINGS

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coldhandsIn case you were hiding under a Reek last week, the notion that Benjen Stark is Coldhands has finally been debunked! And not just by some random reddit poster with some made up gobbledygook, but by GRRM himself!  Someone was granted access to the manuscripts of ADWD and posted the images on reddit of the pages. In one of the margins, his editor scrawled “is Benjen Coldhands” to which GRRM gave an empathic “NO” in red ink. Now, to the more savvy reader, this hasn’t really been a question.   Read the rest of this entry »

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The following is a transcript of North Korean glorious leader Kim Jong Un’s remarks at a ceremony in the resplendent Kumsusan Palace of the Sun:

(PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA) Heroic officers of the army, the navy, the air force and the strategic rocket throwing unit of the Korean People’s Army (KPA), the Worker-Peasant Fighters, labor camp youth volunteers, and overseas compatriots, comrades and friends, I welcome you here for this overjoyous occasion of the First Annual Aerys Targaryen Award for Valor, awarded to the editor and masters of WinterIsComing.Net.

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accounting_dept2(Deming, NM) Events at the Twins have shocked Westeros and Game of Thrones fans to their very foundation.

While she mixed up a do-it-yourself cup of hot tea she procured from the plastic jug on the break room counter, Nancy Hutchinson condemned the attack at the Red Wedding in strongest possible terms.

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Shengqi

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He raced up the stairs two at a time as Shellron followed behind. He could hear her frantic breathing at his heels and he hoped she was alright, he knew how heavy her backpack was. He looked at his tablet and the notes he had scribbled on it to make sure they were headed in the right direction. “Just one more flight of stairs and we should be there,” Shengqi told Shellron. “Thank the seven,” she panted. The heavy iron door was in front of them. He pushed against it, but it would not budge. “Shellron, hand me your backpack,”Shengqi asked. She handed over the backpack and retrieved a small box. He placed the box on the door and activated the switch on the side. “Stand back,” he told Shellron as he turned his back to the door and shielded her from the blast. BOOM! The hinges broke free and together they pried open the mangled door. Soon they were in the master control room where all of the film and files were stored. They immediately got to work, not knowing how much time they had. They had heard Detroit’s warning on the audio feed, but it had stopped working soon after.

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Her chest was heaving. She looked at Shengqi and Shellron to her right. All three were breathing heavily after running from the van. Little Bird thought her heart would pound out of her chest. She looked over as Shengqi pulled out a small tablet. Little Bird could see that the blue prints of the building were loaded on it along with notes that Shengqi had scribbled on top. “We need to head up these stairs. There’s a stair case immediately to the left of the service elevator. Let’s go,” Shengqi told them. Shellron and Little Bird nodded in agreement and began to follow with their flashlights in hand. “Quiet as a shadow,” Little Bird whispered to herself. The girls followed behind Shengqi but struggled to keep up his frantic pace. “Hey! What are you doing?!” a voice bellowed. “OM7GS!!” Shengqi yelled as he whipped out his IMI Tavior AR-21.

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(ANGRYGOTFAN IS ENRAGED TO PRESENT “TALES OF ANGER!!!” FIRST UP, A SPECIAL NEW YEAR’S EVE FANFICTION TO KICK OFF OUR NEW AND ILLUSTRIOUS PROFESSIONAL-PUBLISHED PULPS…AND NOW WITHOUT FURTHER AD-DO)

 Detroit

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As the van made it’s way down the slushy road, Detroit called the Professor again. They had not heard from her for almost 48 hours, which was very strange. She was the one who had suggested they carry out their plans this weekend since the studio would be lightly guarded. “Well?” Shengqi asked, his eyes never leaving the road. “Straight to voicemail,” Detroit replied. “Maybe she lost her phone? Or she didn’t want anyone to track her? I bet that’s it.” Shellron suggested. Shellron was always the voice of reason. “Eh, she probably chickened out is what I think,” Little Bird added. Little Bird had a reputation for unabashed honesty. “I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter now,” Shengqi remarked sternly. “The plan is moving forward and we have to remember our goal.”  Shengqi slowed the van to a crawl and pulled up across the street from bookburner headquarters. HBO Studios, NYC.

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