Santa Fe, NM – The urbane desert community of Santa Fe was rocked to its foundations today when an overzealous Game of Thrones fanboy raided George R. R. Martin’s food stores, authorities say.
Schniles Miederman, 27, was apprehended on the palatial ground of GRRM’s hacienda. Miederman had several barrels of foodstuffs in the back of his homemade, period authentic Game of Thrones horse drawn carriage, police reported.
GRRM’s hacienda grows Twinkies, Toaster Strudels, and raises Wild Hoagies for sale and cooking pot. Packed away in the granaries and storehouses and silos of the estate are also Cheetos, corn chips, pork rinds, pretzels, and the author’s trademark Skittles-Reese’s Pieces mix. A man-made chocolate milk pond and the nearby Pepsi river provide hydration for the parched author.
“The smallfolk believe that a long summer means an even longer winter,” GRRM told reporters, simultaneously chewing on a 5 foot length of beef jerky. “We’ve been hoarding away a third of our harvest, per our maester’s counsel!”
At press time, the Hugo Award winning wordsmith had eaten his way out of his custom made Marshmallow Maze and was moving on to the Roast Beef Bushes.
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