Archive for July, 2014

SodaCakeBurner

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From the earliest days of preparing egg creams in New York to the Golden Age of Soda in the 2010s soft drinks have been a staple of American culture. They have always relied upon their soda jerks to make them delicious and potable.

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WINDS OF WINTER RELEASE DATE

Posted: July 28, 2014 in Uncategorized

BASED ON EXTENSIVE RESEARCH AND ANALYSIS OF HIS GRACE GRRMS PAST BOOK WRITING SCHEDULE AND RECENT COMMENTS HIS GRACE MADE AT SDCC14 THAT THE BOOK WILL BE DONE BY THE END OF THE YEAR I AM CONFIDENT TO REPORT THIS TO THE ARMY OF ANGER!!!!!!!

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YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST!!!!!!!!!

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Game of Thrones enthusiast Paul Martens excitedly proclaimed that his “mind was blown” upon the “epic” reveal of the theory of Jon Snow’s parentage, reports said today.

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THE ULTIMATE AUTHORITY OF THE BOOKS

BY SERVANT ON ICE

Greetings to those who love the books written by George R.R. Martin. I am writing because there has been some false doctrine based on foolish theories going around! These things sprout up like mushrooms after a long rain when the book burners (whose name I will not mention but are known amongst us who are faithful to the writings of GRRM, as “D and D”) stray from the books! 

D and D have destroyed the work of GRRM. Their false teachings have caused us to go astray with all of these falsehoods! Now, you have folks who know who GRRM is and watch the show and they know that another season of terror and violence portraying itself as the true doctrine of GRRM has been shown to the world.

But there are those in the world who have not and will not follow such foolishness, we shall see proof of that later.

Now let us look at some theories added by the profane show.  Brienne meeting Arya to begin.  Why would Brienne meet Arya?  Brienne was looking for Sansa yet because she runs into Hot Pie who isn’t afraid of telling total strangers with Lannister gold about the location of his friend, informs them of Arya’s possible location and it is actually the same location as Sansa, the Vale of Arryn! How convenient!!

Why?  Why? Brienne then gets into a strapping match with a man who, by all records of the masters of Oldtown,  has approximately 10 stone more muscle than she does. Yet she defeats him, a person who cleaved a man in half during the battle of Blackwater Bay, and loses track of Arya.

What?  Another foolish attempt which causes readers and non readers to doubt Brienne’s course laid out in the books! Brienne is in search of Sansa and ONLY Sansa in, “A Feast for Crows” read her chapters over and over again and you will not be deceived!

Stannis and Davos.  Stannis my dear beloved in the works of GRRM has suffered hatred at the hands of D and D.  Stannis has assaulted Melisandre, committed adultery (which the books has neither confirmed nor denied), and went to Braavos himself to beg of coin.  What? 

So, what happens in the books you ask? Well Stannis sends Davos to win over House Manderly! Davos didn’t show up to liberate The Night’s Watch!  Stannis, poor Stannis who is shown as a religious fanatic on the show while in the sacred texts that have been defiled, Stannis is a full blown atheist!

Stannis’ parents perished before his eyes and he would never have praise of any god.  Oh. .  The horrors of such error!!!  

Now even knowledgeable book readers are fighting to see if Stannis is The Great Other or if Stannis will marry Daenarys!!!

What more can be said of the profane? A “butchy” looking Asha Greyjoy, a Ygritte that has clean white teeth, a Tormund Giantsbane who is a brutal butcher, Thenns who look like Orcs,  unnecessary orgy scenes, and The Red Viper of Dorne played by someone who is as pale as a ghost!!!!!

More and more the demolition of the sacred works of GRRM continues?  Now the show will surpass and spoil GRRM’s works? Or will they?

No matter what D and D do, they will not do it well. They will never equal the power that is in the truth of The Books. So I urge thee with all true passion that you read and re read the books in season and out of season so that you will not be as those on Twitter or fan sites and other social media where folks spout foolishness but proclaim to be experts. Instead you will be a mature book reader, ready to toss the foolishness of D and D aside and patiently await the completion of the series by the one truth author, the one truth father of A Song of Ice and Fire, his name GRRM! 
GRRM does not allow fan fiction, not only for legal reasons, but because it is his work, it is his brain and his ideas as there is no interpretation save for those of GRRM, not even his most trusted confidants are GRRM.  Even though some foolishly think that there access to GRRM makes them his equal, NO!

The public knows this fact; people know this in their souls.  That is why D and D have never won an Emmy for, “Best Drama” nor have they won one for their betrayal of GRRM’S texts known as, “writing.” 

So read the books. .  Because television is the same medium that made The Great Harlot of House Kardashian multi millionaires in golden coin.

Your friend in the books,

Servant On Ice,

Book reader since 2011

@ServantOnIce

ANGRYGOTFAN FANART

Posted: July 24, 2014 in INDIRECT ANGER

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(San Diego, CA) San Diego’s elite SWAT team and the FBI Bomb Squad were called in to the Convention Center today after receiving a tip off that terrorist activity was afoot.

In anticipation of today’s San Diego Comic-Con, scores of comic enthusiasts had mobbed the Center. One fan, dressed as a young Bruce Wayne from the new Gotham series, spotted a wide-framed white male of middling height with a ponderous beard and waddly gait unloading several suspicious looking bakery boxes from the back of his van. The suspect was later identified as George Raymond Richard Martin, 65, of Santa Fe, NM.

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“It seemed odd,” the fan, Frank Valdez, of Pacoima, CA said. “Those of us who have been waiting in line for months have been slowly consuming the flesh of one another. Like the men on Skagos, or when a heavy host is trying to march through the snows on Winterfell. This is Comic-Con tradition. So, who is this guy bringing his own food?”

His misgivings were confirmed when the intrepid Valdez noticed Martin was attempting to disguise himself with the fans while emplacing the bakery boxes of bombs. The portly author had attempted to stuff himself into a suit of plate mail, and was also calling for a breastplate stretcher.

When the SWAT team was called in, it was found that evildoer Martin had planted his dirty bombs at several key points throughout the Convention Center, especially targetting HBO, Harry Potter, and My Little Pony.

San Diego SWAT Captain Tony Capasso stated the explosives consisted primarily of lethally sharp pizza crusts, Kandy Korn, and jagged tortilla chips. The igniter was Cheerwine soda cans, shaken up, with Pop Rocks providing the explosive catalyst.

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“If the bombs had detonated the convention goers inside would unfortunately have been slain,” Capasso told reporters. “A withering superheated rain of delicious foodstuffs would have spelled their doom.”

Police quickly apprehended GRRM as he slowly attempted to make his getaway.

Law enforcement officers escort people to be arraigned after indictment in New York

When questioned, the author’s only statement reportedly was, “I KEEP TELLING EVERYONE! JON SNOW IS SIMPLY EDDARD STARK’S BASTARD CHILD! IT’S IN THE FIRST CHAPTER OF THE FIRST BOOK! NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE PLOT ANYMORE!! WHERE ARE THESE HELLACIOUSLY STUPID THEORIES COMING FROM?!”

by Muttonface, AngryGoTFan.com Staff Correspondent

(ANGRYGOTFAN EDITORS NOTE – IN EFFORTS TO BETTER EXPLAIN WHO THESE PEOPLE WRITING THESE ANGERS ARE I SHALL NOW POST THE FOLLOWING BIO MY LITTLE BIRDS WERE ABLE TO COMPILE AFTER YEARS OF REPORTING!  I DO NOT ACCEPT OR DENY ANY  OF THE FOLLOWING INFORMATIONS)

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The Lady Shelly of House Brownskull was born in a small suburb of the Banefort in 274 AC. Her childhood consisted mostly of watching tourneys and tagging along with the neighborhood boys to watch bull baiting. The Lady Shelly was a very headstrong child that was often in trouble for beating up kids when they disagreed with her opinions about tourney matchups and the lists.

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THE TRUE BIO OF MUTTONFACE

Posted: July 21, 2014 in INDIRECT ANGER

(ANGRYGOTFAN EDITORS NOTE – I HAVE RECEIVED MANY A REQUEST FOR THE BACKSTORY OF JUST WHO IS THE MYSTERIOUS MUTTONFACE WHO POSTS TO MY SITE I HAVE NEVER MET HIM MYSELF BUT HIS RAVENS ARRIVE COVERED IN BLOOD AND BEEF JERKY WITH WEBSITE POSTS FULLY WRITTEN OUT IN CRAYON AND SOME SORT OF STICKY SUBSTANCE I REQUESTED HIS BIO AND HERE IS WHAT I RECEIVED)

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GREETING AND SALUTATORIANS ARMY OF ANGER!!!!!

TODAY I WRITE TO YOU FROM A NEW PRESPECTIVE SOMETHING ILLUSORY AND GRAND AND FAR BEYOND THE NORMAL CONFINES OF MY GENERAL MOTIF OF FRUSTRATION AND DISBELIEF REGARDING THE TELEVISED AND BROADCAST ABOMINATION KNOWN AS HBOS GAME OF THRONES

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The common conception about the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros is that they are dirty, dangerous, and poor. It’s true that constant fighting, looting, and gang violence plagues the Seven Kingdoms. However, with a little preparation, common sense, and using motivated sales techniques a bundle can easily be made.

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