Lady Shelly: What Are the 7 Kingdoms Really?

Posted: July 9, 2014 in INDIRECT ANGER

Once again the Army of Anger has been called upon to strike down the egregiously incorrect misinformation that the Bookburners are passing out like drugged hippie candy to the masses. It has been brought to my attention that many people do not know what “The 7 Kingdoms” truly means.

Furthermore, many people do not realize that there are not TRULY 7 separate kingdoms, that it is an older name for the realm of Westeros. Today, the realm as it currently stands is actually comprised of 9 separate administrative regions. Each region contains a Great House appointed by the crown that is in charge of governing said region. Mind blown? Really?! It wouldn’t be if you had read the books!!!!!

300 years ago, when Aegon the Conqueror and his sister wives, Rhaenys and Visenya descended upon Westeros, there were 7 individually ruled kingdoms:


• The Kingdom in the North ruled by Torrhen Stark
• The Kingdom of the Mountain and Vale ruled by Ronnel Arryn
• The Kingdom of the Rock ruled by Loren Lannister
• The Kingdom of the Reach ruled by Mern Gardner
• The Kingdom of the Stormlands ruled by Argilac Durrandon
• The Kingdom of the Isles and Riverlands ruled by Harren Hoare
• The Kingdom of Dorne ruled by Mariya Martell

Now, if you’re a bad little Bookburner you might be saying “Uhhhh duhhhh House Gardner?! House Hoare?! What’s a Argylac?! How about dem Greyjoys?! What about Khaleesi? Has Shelly lost her mind?!” No, I have not, and if I did, I wouldn’t be able to tell, now would I. What I do know is that Aegon was determined to unify the 7 regions as one under his rule.

One of his first attacks was upon Harrenhal on the very day that Harren the Black took up residence in his newly erected enormous castle. Upon the back of Balerion, the Black Dread, Aegon burned out Harrenhal and killed Harren. At this point, the Greyjoys kingdom comprised both the Iron Islands as well as the Riverlands. Because conquest. After Harren’s pitiful defeat, Vickon Greyjoy swore fealty to Aegon and was awarded the Iron Islands. House Tully, for their assistance to Aegon, was awarded the Riverlands. The next battle was at the Stormlands. It did not go well for King Argliac, often called Argliac the Arrogant. He was slain in single combat by Orys Baratheon, Aegon’s alleged bastard half-brother, and Orys was awarded the Stormlands.

The Westerlands and Reach was not as easy. The Targaryen army was greatly outnumbered and suffered great losses. But, hey, they have dragons right? Right. Oh. This was the only time that all three dragons were used at once. With Aegon riding Balerion, Visenya riding Vhagar, and Rhaenys riding Meraxes, they obliterated their enemies. The Lannisters, not known for being foolish, bent the knee and were allowed to remain rulers of Casterly Rock. At the same time, the ruler of House Gardner refused, and was killed, thus the custody of the Reach was awarded to the Tyrells.

In the North, Torrhen Stark, seeing what had happened, bent the knee and was allowed to remain Warden of the North. The Vale was just as easy. The young Ronnel Arryn basically saw the dragons, swore fealty and was allowed a ride on the back of Vhagar and was allowed to remain in power there.
Now, Dorne is another story. Do you know the words of House Martell? The answer had better be an emphatic “YES”. But, if you’re a bad little Bookburner, their words are “UNBOWED. UNBENT. UNBROKEN.” Aegon sent his sister Rhaenys to attempt to capture Dorne, but it was a futile effort. Though she invaded and took the holdfasts, she found them completely devoid of all Dornish men, who had melted into the deserts and mountains. She flew to Sunspear and met Princess Mariya, demanding the surrender of Dorne. Mariya instead replied, “This is Dorne. You are not wanted here, return at your peril.” Rhaenys flatly replied that she would return with “Fire and Blood,” but Mariya simply replied cackling the immortal words of her House, “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken.” The Targaryen army then withdrew from Dorne, leaving the kingdom untaken.

Aegon decided to leave them be, and Dorne remained an independent kingdom until it joined the Targaryens some 200 years later through marriage. After the Conquest, Aegon divided the realm into 9 regions based on the existing kingdoms, and carving the Crownlands out of part of the Riverlands and Stormlands. Each land was given a Great House to govern on his behalf:


• The North ruled by House Stark
• The Iron Islands ruled by House Greyjoy
• The Vale ruled by House Arryn
• The Westerlands ruled by House Lannister
• The Reach ruled by House Tyrell
• The Stormlands ruled by House Baratheon
• Dorne ruled by House Martell
• The Crownlands and Dragonstone (the area around King’s Landing) ruled by whomever sits the Iron Throne

So there you have it. The 7 kingdoms that WERE and now the 9 regions that ARE. The Bookburners do not KNOW OF THIS backstory. They do not pay STRICT AND UNERRING attention to detail like the Army of Anger!

Their lies must be defeated!



  1. Ghasterly Rock says:

    Its the Princedom of Dorne. Maybe if you’d read the books properly…

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