THE TRUE BIO OF MUTTONFACE

Posted: July 21, 2014 in INDIRECT ANGER

(ANGRYGOTFAN EDITORS NOTE – I HAVE RECEIVED MANY A REQUEST FOR THE BACKSTORY OF JUST WHO IS THE MYSTERIOUS MUTTONFACE WHO POSTS TO MY SITE I HAVE NEVER MET HIM MYSELF BUT HIS RAVENS ARRIVE COVERED IN BLOOD AND BEEF JERKY WITH WEBSITE POSTS FULLY WRITTEN OUT IN CRAYON AND SOME SORT OF STICKY SUBSTANCE I REQUESTED HIS BIO AND HERE IS WHAT I RECEIVED)

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Tyrone “Muttonface” Schrade has been at the forefront of fighting injustice for his entire sixteen years.

Born of a Gontish goatherd, he helped defend his village at the tender age of 8 from the invading Kargads. Killing left him conflicted, however, and so he quickly repaired to a monastery on Vulcan.

He found deep solace and spiritual tranquility as a monk. However, the idyllic and reflective existence was snuffed out when the Grand Council of Voltar assigned him to introduce clean energy sources on Earth so the planet would remain habitable. The Invasion Timetable must be upheld, they said.

Muttonface did not find Earth to his liking. It was none too serene or pure. He found he had a proclivity for the human sport of soccer, however, and Parliament Lights cigarettes.

From his remote mountain hideout high in the Peruvian Andes (reminiscent of Gont, where he was born), Muttonface fights to reverse Earth’s pollution with his powers. As a hobby, he read voraciously. The treatment that George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire received at the hands of the smut purveyors at HBO offended his strong sense of justice and purity.

Muttonface depends upon care packages from supporters. Please include Red Bull, Pepsi, cigarettes, fibrous beef jerky, and Star Trek tapes.

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