From the earliest days of preparing egg creams in New York to the Golden Age of Soda in the 2010s soft drinks have been a staple of American culture. They have always relied upon their soda jerks to make them delicious and potable.
Both snack cakes and bookburners are fundamentally deficient. One is fluffy, childish, and unhealthy, and the other is a snack cake.
Being a soda jerk requires long hours and an iron work ethic. Bookburners do not have this core competency. They turn off their brains for an hour every Sunday night.
A snack cake, on the other hand, has an indomitable shelf life and does it’s job admirably.
A large part of the life of a soda jerk is indulging in whimsy. The stripes. The hat. The paper apron. The bowtie. Soda jerks are lighthearted folks.
The bookburner is too severe in temperament. He or she lacks the imagination to inhabit a fantasy world that is crucial to the soda jerk.
Snack cakes, one might argue, are created for whimsy. A fun snack, the sugary taste taking one on a trip down memory lane, to the childhood. Childhood memories are where one is born anew in creative genius.
With all of these factors at play, one can only draw the inescapable conclusion: when it comes to soda jerking bookburners are terribly deficient.
This post unfortunately written by Muttonface (pictured above)