1. The Hound will be revealed to be alive, confirming the “Gravedigger Theory”. However, he won’t be a gravedigger. He’ll be a beekeeper or a shepherd or something stupid like that.
2. Roose Bolton will be revealed to be a skin-wearing vampire-like being. He will sparkle when exposed to sunlight without his protective skin.
3. Gendry’s rowboat will be intercepted and captured by Victarion Greyjoy. Gendry and Victarion will become lovers.
4. Victarion Greyjoy will be black because someone in a focus group said “How come the only black characters have to be criminals and slaves?” No one will even attempt to explain why he’s the only black Greyjoy.
5. Tommen will spontaneously age another six years.
6. The fact that the Giants are vegetarians will be described in a really preachy diatribe written by some vegan.
7. While in Dorne, Jaime and Bronn will double-team somebody. Probably just a random whore, but maybe one of the less-important sand snakes. 70-30.
8. Meera Reed will travel to Braavos and join the House of Black and Whi…wait…who is that? Oh man, Arya has really grown up.
9. The “Walk of Shame” episode will have feminists from all over the internet foaming at the mouth. (ANGRYGOTFAN EDITOR’S NOTE: THIS ONE WILL 100% COME TRUE!!!!!)
10. Daario Naharis is re-cast yet again, this time played by Joseph Mawle.
11. Sansa will meet Harrold Hardyng for the first time and bite her lower lip without even realizing she’s doing it.
12. Podrick and Brienne will succumb to temptation one lonely night around the campfire. Pod will ROCK HER FREAKING WORLD.
13. Olenna Redwyne will nurse Robert Arryn at her breast. There’s no milk of course, but all he really wants is the nipple.
14. Daenerys will appear naked again, except this time all her naughty bits will be covered in dragon scales the same blue color as her dress. Sort of like Mystique.
15. Varys will get a new fan.