ANGRYGOTFAN’S ANGER PREDICTIONS FOR SEASON 5

Posted: January 1, 2015 in Uncategorized

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THERE ARE THOSE OF YOU WHO STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAAAND THAT EVERYTHING THAT TAKES PLACE AT THIS POINT ON THE HORRIBAWFUL HBO SHOW “GAME OF THRONES” IS FANFICTION AND TOTALLY THE BRAINEXCREMENT OF ITS WRITERS D&D – GRRM HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT ANYMORE, NOT EVEN SCRIPTING AN EPISODE AND HAS BEEN SPEAKING FOR YEARS ABOUT HOW THE SHOW WRITERS USED TO BRING HIM ON SET AND GO OVER SCRIPTS WITH HIM BUT AFTER ARGUMENTS OVER TALISA THEY REFUSE TO TALK TO HIM ANYMORE BUT I DONT KNOW WHY IM THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS ITS IMPORTANT TO LISTEN TO GRRM AND KEEP A LOG OF EVERYTHING HE SAYS IN PUBLIC AND IN PRIVATE SO I GUESS YOU DIDNT KNOW THAT AND NOW THAT HBO IS NO LONGER WORKING WITH HIM IN EVEN THE SMALLEST SENSE SO I WILL HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU EVERYTHING THATS GOING TO BE HAPPENING ON THE SHOW IN SEASON 5 BECAUSE IF I DONT I HAVE NO IDEA WHO ELSE WILL!!!

15. THE GREYJOY BROTHERS ARE CONDENSED INTO ONE AND HE IS CALLED VICARONI – VICARONI ONE EYE AND BETRAYS HIS WIFE WITH HIMSELF AND IS PLAYED BY A 4 FT TALL PUNJABI

14. RAMSAY MARRIES ARYA BUT ITS THEON IN DRAG

13. TO SIMPLIFY THINGS IN MEEREEN, DANY CHALLENGES THE YUNKAI, THE SELLSWORDS, AND THE SONS OF THE HARPY TO A WRESTLING TOURNAMENT WHICH SHE WINS BY SMASHING HIZDHAR IN THE HEAD WITH A TRASH CAN WHILE THE REFEREE (BARRISTAN) IS LOOKING THE OTHER WAY CONFUSED AND OLD ABOUT SOMETHING

12. AFTER PRINCESS ARIANNE IS CUT, TRYS IS REFERRED TO AS PRINCE TRYS-BA-BA AND HAS A GENIE, MYRCELLS HAS A TIGER, AREO HOTAH IS AN EVIL SORCERER HAS A TALKING PARROT PLAYED BY GILBERT GOTTFRIED – ALSO THE SAND SNAKES ARE A HAREM

11. SASNA BECOMES LITTLEFINGER’S BOTTOM GIRL AND WORKS HER WAY ACROSS THE LORDS OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS

10. POD AND BRIENNE MEET UP WITH A TALKING RACCOON, A “SPACE DUKE,” AND A BLUE SUMMER ISLANDER – POD’S SOLE, REPEATED LINE THROUGHOUT THE SEASON IS “I AM POOOOOOOOOD!”

9. AS ITS BEEN ANNOUNCED (AFTER I POINTED OUT) THEY WERE BOTH FILMED IN THE SAME EXACT PLACE AT THE SAME TIME, I CAN ONLY CONCLUDE THE SNOW FOREST FEATURED IN STAR WARS VII IS THE HAUNTED FOREST NORTH OF THE WALL – SITH LORD KYRO REN COMES TO THE PLANET WESTEROS IN HOPES OF CHANGING HIS DUMB NAME BUT ENDS UP FIGHTING JON SNOW IN A BATTLE THAT SUPPOSED TO BE EPIC BUT THEY DONT HAVE THE BUDGET SO WE SEE THE WHOLE THING ACTED OUT BY SHADOW PUPPETS – JON SNOW LOSES AND HIS HAND IS CUT OFF BY THE TRIPLE-DIPPLE-LIGHTSABER AND HE IS ABOUT TO BE UNHEADED BUT LEARNS THE POWER OF THE FORCE FROM JEDI GHOST RHAEGAR

8. BATMAN

7. TOMMEN GETS A RED RYDER BB GUN FOR CHRISTMAS

6. BENIOFF PRODUCES A BIOPOC OF HIMSELF, STARRING HIMSELF. 50% OF SCREENTIME IS HIM GIVING SPEECHES FOR AWARDS HE NEVER ACTUALLY REVEIVED. WEISS IS WRITTEN OUT.

5. MELISANDRE GETS RECAST AS IDINA MENZEL AND SPENDS ALL HER TIME ON THE WALL SINGING SONGS ABOUT MAGIC ICE

4. WHEN ARYA ARRIVES AT THE APPOINTED HOUSE OF THE BLACK AND WHITE DOORS SHE OPENS THEM UP AND DUMBLEDORE USHERS HER INTO HOGWARTS AS ITS WAS A PORTKEY ALL ALONG AND SHE GETS ASSIGNED TO HOUSE HUFFLEPUFF TO HER CHAGRIN

3. STANNIS HAS TO GO TO THE DENTIST TO GET HIS WISDOM TEETH REMOVED DUE TO GRINDING BUT DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE HIS STRATEGIC COMMAND BUT FORTUNATELY HERMEY THE ELF HAS A CLINIC JUST NORTH OF THE WALL AND IS ABLE TO HELP HIM AND ALSO HE BECOMES FRIENDS WITH BUMBLE AND THE FROST GIANTS

2. PETER DINKLAGE BECOMES TOO HAUGHTY FOR HIS OWN GOOD AND IS REPLACED BY WARWICK DAVIS – SLAPSTICK ENSUES

1. HIS GRACE GRRM REMINDS US THAT THE SHOW IS THE SHOW AND THE BOOKS ARE THE BOOKS AND NOTHING THAT EVER HAPPENS ON THAT STUPID INANE ANTI-WOMEN IDIOT SHOW EVER CAN OR WILL TAKE PRECENDENCE OVER HIS SACRED TEXTS AND WHEN WE FINALLY GET THE WINDS OF WINTER ITS SHEER MAJESETY WILL CRUSH EVERYTHING THE BOOKBURNING DUO OF D&D EVER FARTED OUT AND WE WILL REMEMBER THAT WHILE A TV SHOW ENDS, BOOKS ARE ETERNAL!!!!!!!!!!! #NOONEUNDERSTAAANDS

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Comments
  1. Bo Donovan says:

    Your Prediction #1….that’s all that needs to be said. Hail to his grace GRRM and Hail to the Army of Anger!!!

  2. The Dragon Demands says:

    Theon in drag…dear god, it may come to that.

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