While she mixed up a do-it-yourself cup of hot tea she procured from the plastic jug on the break room counter, Nancy Hutchinson condemned the attack at the Red Wedding in strongest possible terms.
“I had just finished putting the kids to bed and I almost thought I was too bushed to watch some of the OnDemand,” Hutchinson told reporters. “But I ended up treating myself to a scoop of mint chocolate chip after I did 30 minutes on the elliptical.”
Referring to one half of the sinister pair of evildoers that orchestrated the attack, the 34 year old mother of two said, “That Lord Fry is a mean old man. My boyfriend just hates him. Him and King Jeffrey.” Showing incredible temerity and strength of character for someone having recently witnessed something so traumatic, Hutchinson chuckled as she recounted how her significant other regularly uses profanity when it comes to his least favorite characters.
Pausing to pour a precisely measured dose of powdered creamer into her Styrofoam cup, Nancy continued, more soberly, “Got to hate what happened to Talisha, though.” Upon further review reporters found that she was referring to her coworker Talisha, the woman who sends the faxes and takes lunch orders, now recovering slower than expected from bariatric surgery.
“I just don’t understand why they can’t live in peace,” Hutchinson told reporters. “Like, why can’t Rob be King of North and Jeffrey be King in South?”
At press time, Hutchinson was trying to dislodge a packet of Snyder’s of Hanover pretzels from the vending machine and asking a coworker what they thought of King Stanley’s witch.