BREAKING – In a tourney held amidst the swirling sands of the Red Waste, House Lannister has successfully re-taken the Iron Lombardi from House Tyrell. Led by notorious Volantne leader Triarch Belicho, the Lannisters have managed to do what House Gardener could not: Defeat the up-jumped Tyrells in Tarbeck fashion, though the tourney was much closer than anticipated.
Sources report the turning point in the lists came when The Lady Katy of House Perry rode a lion of fire through the stands, rousing the spirits of the Lannister men. Then, much like the eagle of Orell the Wildling, the Tyrells self-combusted on their speedy decent to an early grave.
With a blow to rival that of Robert’s warhammer, the Lannisters crushed the hopes and dreams of House Tyrell and snatched the Iron Lombardi away from the clutches of the Highgardeners.
After leading House Lannister to victory over the Tyrells, Triarch Belicho lumbered forward wearing a greasy, stained tunic with an unkempt hood and was reported to say, “There was no one on this team that was not 100% focused on defeating those Starks…uh…I mean Tyrells.”
The victory is not without flaw though as the Citadel has come forth with claims of cheating by House Lannister and Tiarch Belicho. The Citadel alleges that their most fearsome warrior, Ser Tomas of House Brady, was using an unapproved “corked” lance. These charges remain under investigation at the present time. Whispers of Lord Varys and his Little Birds amongst House Tyrell practice matches are also raising concerns. Additionally, team owner Cersei Lannister has accused the Margaery Tyrell of sleeping with all the referees, and traitorism akin to that of legendary former quarterback Eddard Stark.
UPDATE: Westeros Football Commissioner (WFC) Gorold Goodbrook has announced the matter shall be decided by the Seven through a trial by combat. At press time, Lannister champion Ser Robert the Gronk has announced, “Gronk Spike!” to any and all passerby.