15 Predictions for Season 5 – Enlightened Titan

Posted: March 16, 2015 in Uncategorized
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1. Uncle Baelish will buy Sansa a mockingbird so she won’t say a word.
2. Cersei starts her own show “Cooking with Cersei”, it will be sponsored by Arbor Gold.
3. Melisandre is beginning to have doubts about her religion and her king when she’s realises that whenever Stannis scowls, R’hllor kills a kitten.
4. Stannis is Aegon, so he gets the Golden Company. This way he has enough men to reenact the battle of Stalingrad.
5. In his travels to Dorne, Jaime proves himself worthy to the Lady Ashara Dayne who, rather than being dead, in fact lives in a pineapple under the sea. She will reward him with Arthur Dayne’s lightsaber.
6. No longer helpless, Jaime will finally remove the nipples from his breastplate.
7. Ser Pounce lays claim to the Iron Throne. This is visualized by him sitting on it whenever nobody’s watching. Then Ser Pounce dies and the world riots.
8. Arya performs a musical with cats and sings “Ebony and Ivory” as encore.
9. Jorah ends his short-lived career as explorer and joins the mummers. Together, they will perform a new piece, “the Bear in the Dragon’s Lair” for his beloved Khaleesi.
10. Dany performs an opera version of “Where Have the Cowboys Gone?” but changing text to “Where is my Jorah? Where is my khalasaar?”
11. Dany will also assure the viewers that she doesn’t want to set the world on fire but merely wants to start a flame in our hearts.
12. “Wildfire in a jar” and “Palace Inferno” will lead the charts in Slaver’s Bay for weeks to come.
13. Tyrion forms the musical ensemble “Kingslayer”, their first public appearance features the song “I shot the King’s Hand (but I didn’t shoot the king himself)”.
14. Due to favourable climatic circumstances, the amounts of fish in Braavosi waters will explode. This will lead to a cat overpopulation, which signals the beginning of catocalypse.

15. Hot Pie sets up an independant pie-by-wagon business, but on his very first day he breaks a wheel.

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Comments
  1. Bo Donovan says:

    LOL!!! OMG…LOVE IT!!! Particularly #4 & 13. Can’t wait to see if any of these prove accurate. I would wager that a good chunk of them will!!

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