Season 5 Interview with the Titan of Braavos

Posted: March 18, 2015 in Uncategorized

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Interviewer:
Welcome to 7KingomsNewz! Today we will talk to the Titan of Braavos about Season 5 and the radical changes being
made. Welcome, Mr. Titan!

Titan:
GREETINGS PUNY BEINGS.

Interviewer:
Ahahaha! Very funny. So, in Season 4 – exactly opposite to the book plot – it’s Stannis who seeks out the
Iron Bank, not otherwise, and of course that’s why he sails to Braavos. As one who was involved in that scene,
what can you tell us about this experience?

Titan:
EVERYBODY LIKED THAT SCENE. BUT WHAT YOU DIDN’T SEE WAS WHAT WAS HAPPENING OFF-CAM. WHEN THE SHIP WAS BETWEEN MY
LEGS DAVOS TOLD STANNIS TO LOOK UP. I HAVE NO GENITALS BUT WITH THAT KIND OF SILLINESS FROM HIS HAND STANNIS IS
NOT GOING TO WIN THE THRONE.

Interviewer:
That is a shocking revelation! I didn’t know there were humerous people in Stannis inner circle or even in his
whole army!

Titan:
THERE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE! I AM SO ANGRY!!!

Interviewer:
What does season 5 have in store for Braavos and you in particular?

Titan:
WHO KNOWS. RISING OIL PRICES CAUSING WORLD ECONOMIC DEPRESSION, ARYA FIGHTING LION-LIZARDS IN THE CANALS OF BRAAVOS,
CATS RAINING DOWN FROM HEAVEN. EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE WITH PRODUCER NUTCASE. BEWARE THE TIDES OF MARCH.

Interviewer:
You mean the IDES of March. And the first episode is aired in APRIL.

Titan:
FOOLISH HUMAN. THERE IS STILL TIME FOR RADICAL CHANGES. AND BRAAVOS IS A NAVAL POWER.

Interviewer:
Speaking of changes, I heard that Jaqen Hghar will return. Some people even speculate that he is the Kindly Man.

Titan:
HE’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. NONE OF YOU WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

Interviewer:
Side-issue. People have been wondering if Mero, who calls himself the Titan’s Bastard, is indeed a son of yours.
Also, the Second Sons and the Titan of Braavos both feature a broken sword. Any comments?

Titan:
HE IS NO SON OF MINE.

Interviewer:
Indeed, I find it strange how a big mindless statue like you can even talk, let alone conceive children-

Titan:
WHY YOU LITTE!!!

Interviewer:
At this point we have to end our interview! Please join us next week on- *crushing noises*

ANNOUNCEMENT: We are currently experiencing technical issues. Please stand by.

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