Sermons of Ice and Fire

Posted: March 29, 2015 in Uncategorized
tyrion supper
By Seeker Church 2.5.1. located in the Greater Miami-Metro Area, Florida.
A meeting at a Seeker Church in South Florida the week of March 15th, 2015

Intercepted by Servant On Ice
Pastor Hip:  Okay folks we are working on something to reach out to folks, something to get people in the pews, what can it be? What can we do to continue to increase our marketing to folks who are turned off by, “church?”
Deacon Traditional:  Hmm . . .    I think we can actually teach on the book of Ephesians, there are some good doctrinal teachings that can help folks grow into CHRIST.  You know we live in a culture much like  Ephesus where there was sexual worship, greed, the rejection of . .
Male Deacon Hipster: No, we can teach it but we gotta teach it in a way we can get the Millennial into church, they aren’t coming. In fact the church is decreasing nation wide because how Millennial don’t see it as relevant.
Female Deacon Hipster:   That’s right, we have social media and we have all those things but they aren’t really having a reach, we still are seeing good attendance and good baptisms but we aren’t getting the teaching through to people. People come here, for a year or tow then fall away.
Senior Pastor:  I agree with both of you, we need something, something that can  reach out to them . . what is it? What are they into we haven’t tried? We have had some great series based on Fifty Shades of Gray, Keeping up with the Kardashians, the award season,  you know those things are good topics, and we play one popular song a service, good covers.  I  loved that cover of, “Counting Stars” it even mentioned praying.
Male Deacon Hipster:  I agree, but the cover with, Katy Perry’s, “Teenage Dream” was good as well.
Deacon Traditional:  Yes, but the cover of, “Talk Dirty To Me” was way over the top, is this a church or some community club?
Male Deacon Hipster:  There you go again, talking about, “dispensations and covenants”  folks don’t want to hear that, they want to hear how the bible, this JESUS dude relates to their lives. How JESUS fits in their lives is what we are about, not the other.
Traditional Deacon: Then we are not about him at all then . . . .
Senior Pastor: Look, we are, I am, I am about JESUS and his love, about how he died for us and I want people coming to hear the truth. We teach biblical Christianity, not the watered down stuff as the guy who wants GOD to bless him with a new private jet.  I want souls won to CHRIST and folks in CHRIST but we have to get them in here, we have to compete with the beaches and the clubs,
Female Lead Vocalist:  Katy Perry grew up a Christian, so did Britney Spears, maybe we can have them speak at church as special guests . . they gotta be better than those NBA players we had who got arrested a month later or that rapper who turned preacher who stole a bunch of money and is now a rapper again . . or the guy who him is and his wife were leading a sex cult  and  . .
Traditional Deacon:  We are not guided by the Spirit of GOD, if we were we wouldn’t have allowed such folks in the pulpit in the first place, I warned you all about all of them and no one listened .
Male Hipster Deacon:  You remember what this church was like when I came here? When we all came here? It was almost dead, it was down to 150 members and it was going to be another statistic of the hundreds of churches who close yearly in the United States  ..  . but nope, we turned it around, we got hip, we did it with marketing, with appealing to pop culture that is why we have 3,500 members and see 5,000 folks total on weekends . ..   that is how we have the best facilities, and we have paid down our debt . . that’s GOD’s work keeping this church open,  . . .  not preaching from Ephesians or James or some boring topic that folks who listen to pop music and SnapChat in church will walk out from . .
Female Hipster Deacon: Hey! I got an idea for a great series, it has warriors, and villains, and heroes it’s a lot like that old testament . . . you know that one I had to read to pass online seminary . . yeah that’s it . . A “Game of Thrones” instead we will call it, “A Game of Souls.”
Male Hipster Deacon: I love that show! I turn during the nude scenes, but I love it!!! We can do it, we can show legal amounts of the show and do a 7 week series, one for each of the 7 kingdoms of Westeros, that will be awesome and we can have the Christians who acted on the show, like the guy who played Daxos and the guy who played Brother Yoren . . that’s right, great idea!!!!!
Traditional Deacon:  Sure, we can, and I have the perfect titles for all seven series, I don’t watch the show, don’t have HBO and their filth, I read the books and understand where the author is coming from and I read our books and the book, The Bible. Here are the topics that can appeal to us all.
1. The Armour of GOD: Ephesians 6:10-20  We can use Jorah teaching the Dothraki guy about armor and how armor we must have our armor, our righteousness and how it is our breastplate and how or heavy sword is the word of GOD. We can show the clip, not of the bloody fight but of Jorah explaining what Armour is.
2. Sins of the Father:  We can talk about Tywin and Tyrion and all the problems he has because he did not love his son, how GOD loves us even though our natural parents may have not and have done us great harm. Many folks are hurting because of how their parents abused them in all types of ways, and they need to forgive their parents and allow their ultimate parent GOD to heal them.  Ephesians says that we need to, “Honor or father and mother” even if we don’t deal with them, we need to honor them by forgiving the evils they did and by praying for GOD to convert their souls.
3. That old Dragon:  We can teach about the devil, our enemy and dark forces and dark spiritual powers that are at work in our wold. We can teach them about how we must be vigilant and we must realize that false doctrine and false teachings are the enemies works. We can teach out of the books of James and II Peter. We can see how the violence caused by Drogon the dragon, shows us that our sin nature can’t be tamed, it must eliminated.
4. Lost in Love:  We can talk about how Cersei and Jaime’s incest, to them which is a pure love, is really twisted and dark.  How it harmed them and how the current preaching of homosexuality not being a sin, and accepting homosexuality and other sexual doctrines are destroying the church and harmful to our lives. We can teach Romans chapter 1, I Corinthians Chapter 6 an Matthew Chapter 19 verses 5-6.  JESUS wants holiness in his church, not for the church to accept the sins of the world, but for the church to manifest his light.
5. The Love of the World:  So many places to go here. Lord Petyr Baelish is my focus. He is a man who is consumed with power and with this world being his game.  As it has with many Christians and so called Christians in this nation.  We can preach on I John chapter 2 which warns us against loving the world and the things of it.
6. Power of Powers:  We can talk about conflict how the High Lords and other rulers in GRRM’s world are fighting for power, not for good, but for their own power and their own idea of good and how foolish that is. We can preach on Ecclesiastes and how GOD warned us through Solomon of the folly and wickedness of power and the pursuit of power. That GOD alone has power and the rest of us are dust.  We can teach on JESUS the real power as described in Colossians chapters 1 and 2.
7. The White Walkers:  That is what the story focuses on, the invasion of deadly supernatural beings coming to kill every living thing in Westeros.  Here we have our own white walkers, our sin. That is right, our sins, it must be a sermon about repentance on how we have rejected GOD, on how we have rejected his word, how we have made him what we want and need him to be instead of worshiping him in spirit and truth. We can teach on St. John Chapter 4, we can teach on how we are lost in our sins, and while we dance around in weak sermons, in attendance issues, in all this junk, we need to be on our faces, fasting and praying asking GOD for forgiveness for doing bad pop culture based sermons instead of teaching folks about the goodness of GOD.
How about that?
Senior Pastor:  That sounds good, but too much bible in it . .we need more dragons and more Khaleesi  . . yeah we can do announcements dressed as characters each week . . not Melisandre though, she’s always naked.
Traditional Deacon: I am going home, I am tired of this farce of a church. GOD will judge us for tainting his word.
Female Hipster Deacon: I am going to be KHALLLLEESSSSIIII!!!
Male Hipster Deacon: I am going to be Lord Snow …  Jon, not his brother Ramsay Snow . .
Traditional Deacon: You guys don’t read the bible, you don’t read books, you don’t know . .  I’m retiring. . .
Senior Pastor: Yeah, we are going to go in a different direction, something lighter and with verses about love only and fun.  How about, “Bible Drive In”  showing clips for classic bible movies . . . . .
Female Hipster Deacon: Yeah, I won’t be Dany Khaleesi or Queen Mean Cersei, but I will be Moses’ wife from, “The 10 Commandments” yeah . . no reading there . .
Traditional Deacon:  Just because our numbers grow, our social media reach expands, doesn’t mean GOD is here,   and it doesn’t mean one day he will judge this church for rejecting him.
  1. Jake says:

    Is this satire or are you really comparing homosexuality to incest? It’s hard to tell with the other stuff you’ve written about Christianity and gays.

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