SEASON 5 EPISODE 1 – THE SNORES TO COME

Posted: April 12, 2015 in ANGERCAST REVIEWS
Game-Of-Thrones-The-Wars-to-Come-Season-5-Episode-1-05
THE SNORES TO COME
THE REVIEW OF ANGER
FAAAAAAAAAAAN FIIIIIIICTIIIIIIION!!!!!!!!!! TONIGHTS EPISODE OF GAME OF THRONES

BROUGH TO YOU BY THE FOLKS AT FANFICTION.NET YOU MAY REMEMBER US FROM SUCH
MASTERPIECES OF 50 SHADES OF GREY AND ALL THE HARRY POTTER WESELY FAMILY INCEST
STORIES – WHICH ARE PROBABLY MORE TRUE TO THE SOURCE MATERIAL THAN GAME OF THRONES –
YAAAAYYYYY!!!
MAGGY – DOES SHE EVEN HAVE A NAME?! WHY DOES SHE LIVE IN THE SWAMP? THERES NO
BUILDUP TO THE MAGIC IN THIS SCENE AT ALL! DOESNT BLOOD MAGIC REQUIRE CHANTING?
DEATH? NOPE UHHHH HEY DROPPA BLOOD I INSTANTLY KNOW YOUR FUTURE!!!! THATS MORE
INSTANT THAN MY INSANT NOODLES WHICH IS THE ONLY THING I CAN AFFORD TO EAT ON MY
BUDGET!! SHE LOOKS LIKE OSHA!!! SHES SUPPOSED TO BE GRANRLED AND WARTY AND UGLY AND
SHES EVEN BETTER LOOKING THAN THE DELI CLERK THEY HIRED TO PLAY ASHA GREYJOY!!! NO
ONE UNDERSTAAANDS!!!!
KINGS LANDING – JAIME ALL OF A SUDDEN IS SCREAMING AND CRYING ABOUT WANTING ALL THET
TYWIN HAS BUILT FOR HOUSE LANNISTER??? UHHH HE SURE DIDNT SEEM TO WANT ALL THAT LAST
SEASON WHEN HE FIRMLY REJECTED IT!!!! THEY CANT EVEN KEEP CONSISTENT WITH THEMSELVES
ANYMORE!!!!!! TV JAIME RAPED CERSEI AND D&D RAPED JAIME!!!!!!!
AND THAT SCENE WITH LORAS AND OLYVAR? POINTLESS NEEDLESS INEFFECTIVE FLAT AND BORING
HEY REMEMBER WHEN THE SEXPOSITION SCENES ACTUALLY ADDED TO PLOT??? NOPE!!! NEITHER
DO I!!!!
THE WALL – EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING WRONG!!!! SAM STRUTTING AROUND
AND REFUSING TO TRAIN?!?!?!!? STANNIS DOESNT BURN MANCE FOR NOT “BENDING THE KNEE”
HE BURNS HIM FOR DESERTING AND ATTACKING THE KINGDOMS!!!!! THE DESERTERS LIFE IS
FORFEIT!!!!! ITS CLEAR!!!! (SORRY BOWE BERGHDAL) PLUS WAIT WASNT THEIR BIG CHANGE
LAST YEAR TO GIVE STANNIS THE MONEY FROM THE IRON BANK EARLY AND THATS HOW HE
AMASSED A HUGE ARMY?!?!?! WHERES STANNIS’ ARMY NOW?!?!!? ARE THEY ALL WRONG WAY
RANGERS?!?!?! STANNIS DOESNT NEED
OR WANT THE WILDLINGS HE NEEDS AND WANTS THE NORTHERN LORDS!!!! JON WANTS THE
WILDLINGS ITS WHAT LEAD TO HIS (*&#(&%(*#&)*%&$(%*@$^%(&*@$^%$*%^&)*%&)@$(%&)@#
(%&@#)$( NOOONE UNDERSTAAAANDS
BRIENNE AND POD – WE ARE APPEARING OUT OF CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATIONS ONLY IN THIS
EPISODE (NO FURTHER SCENES)
MEREEN – COULD SHE BE ANY STUPIDER? EVEN IN THE BOOKS SHE ACKNOWLEDGES THERES AT
LEAST SOME BLACK AND WHITE IN HER MORAL DECISIONS BUT I GUESS SHES COMPLETELY LOST
TRACK OF THEM WHEN SHE LOST HER MIND AS WELL!!!!! WHITE RAT??? I GUESS ‘STALWART
SHIELD’ WAS TOO AWESOME OF A NAME FOR HBO!!!!!! THANK GOODNESS WE GOT MORE OF THE
MISSY GREY WORM SCENES THOSE ARE REALLY WHAT EVERYONE HAS BEEN WAITING 8 MONTHS
FOR!!!!! WHY IS DANY TALKING TO HER DRAGONS IN THE COMMON TONGUE WHEN SHE CLEARLY
TRAINED THEM IN HIGH VALYRIAN!!!! UTTER INCOMPETENCE LETS BURN THE INTERNS AND THE
REST!!! OH LOOK KIDS ITS THE CGI SCENE!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOW EVERYONE SAY EPIC!!!
SAY IT!!!!!! WE ORDER YOU!!!!!!!!
PENTOS – COMPLETELY MEANINGLESS ENTIRELY CHANGES ALL OF THE CHARACTER DECISIONS OF
VARYS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE SERIES THIS IS NOTHING BUT FANFICTION AT THIS POINT AND
ITS THE HEIGHT OF OFFENSIVENESS FOR THEM TO THINK THEIR AUDIENCE IS THAT STUPID
THERE ARE DOZENS OF SHOWS ON PAID NETWORKS THAT HAVE MUCH HIGHER STANDARDS OF
RESPECT FOR THEIR AUDIENCES THERE EVEN ARE ON HBO THERE I SAID IT IM SMACKING MYSELF
BUT I SAID IT
THE VALE – GEE I WONDER WHERE THEY ARE GOING…
OH COME ON!!!!!!!! EVERYONE KNOWS AT THIS POINT THEY ARE HEADED TO WINTERFELL AND HE WANTS TO MARRY HER OFF TO RAMSAY ITS ACTUALLY WORSE THAN TALISA!!!!!!!!!! WORSE THAN TALISA!!!!!!! THIS IS THE BIGGEST MOCKERY OF SACRED TEXTS SINCE ISLAM
EVEN BOOKBURNERS WHO HATE THE BOOKS ARE SAYING HOW SLOW AND BORING AND POINTLESS THIS EPISODE WAS THEY COULD HAVE COVERED IT ALL IN ABOUT 5 MINUTES AND THEN GOT TO YOU KNOW ACTUAL STORY AND PLOT AND CHARACTERIZATION AND DRAMATIC…OH WAIT…JUST REMEMBERED WHO IM TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#NOONEUNDERSTAAAANDS
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Comments
  1. teageegeepea says:

    There was nothing in this episode saying anyone was going to Winterfell. You are spoiling!

  2. rkay says:

    When you started raging on Twitter i thought its just a funny act for Twitter-recaps or something like this.. But this is getting ridiculous.. Thats the last attention you’ll get from me.. Get a life!

  3. A Wildling bastard says:

    Are you alright? sounds like you’re having a diarrhea. but really are you trying to be funny or am i missing something?

  4. BiscottiKnight says:

    “SHE LOOKS LIKE OSHA!!! SHES SUPPOSED TO BE GRANRLED AND WARTY AND UGLY AND SHES EVEN BETTER LOOKING THAN THE DELI CLERK THEY HIRED TO PLAY ASHA GREYJOY!!!”

    Look at that! My you are clever, calling a successful actress a deli clerk. Do you actually think your schtick is funny?

  5. Happy GoT Fan says:

    THE SHOW IS BETTER THAN THE BOOKS!!!!!1111 DEAL WITH IT!!!!!1111

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