SENSITIVE INFORMATION/FOR AOA LEADERSHIP ONLY
From AOA, Intelligence Division
Benioff: David Benioff, Executive Producer, Writer, “Game of Thrones”
Weiss: Daniel B. Weiss, Executive Producer, Writer, “Game of Thrones”
Cogman: Bryan Cogman, Producer, Writer, “Game of Thrones”
This recording was obtained in the office at Benioff’s estate; it was a private meeting after the success at the Prime Time Emmy Awards. The language is disturbing. For Mature Audiences Only.
RECORDING START – 2015 OCTOBER 19, 2115 Hours Pacific Time
Weiss: You did it, you did it, my lord, and took our talents to the top. Finally the (expletive) realize that we are the elite in this business. It feels good, you did it, you did it without George, you did it without those stupid books, and you did it. YOU DID IT!
Benioff: Yes, I did it. I told you it was simple. Take the best of the books without own interpretation and make them TV relevant. We have changed T.V.; we are the new show that everyone copies. Even the CW. How do you like that? Our success has given us wealth, power and we did it all without that fat (expletive) Martin. Brb I have to flex into the mirror for a few minutes.
Weiss: Yeah, poor George. He trusted us. Big mistake. The game has passed him bye. We will finish our series with (REDACTED) on the Iron Throne and everyone will know how it ends.
Benioff: Yes, he made a big mistake trusting us. He’s washed up. He’s got a new show for Cinemax coming,
Weiss: Skinemax? Good. .. He will like that. They may stick closer to the books, we aren’t.
Benioff: I think we have a call, it’s Cog-Man
Cog-Man: My lord! its Bryan!
Benioff: That is NOT your name.
Cog-Man: (sighs) Its Cog (pause) Man.
Benioff: Delicious! What news of Belfast and Spain? Have the interns finished the dialogue yet?
Cog-Man: Hello guys, I am over here working hard, we have production going well, and I know that the scripts for seasons 6 and 7 will be great. I like that we finally gave Malaisie (Arya) her skateboard.
Weiss: I liked how we turned her to a killer and we have shown her sexual side. Without it, we would lose ratings.
Cog-Man: Yeah, it was unrealistic a skinny adolescent taking out a legit warrior in hand to hand combat, when she hasn’t been trained yet.
Benioff: I detect sarcasm, peasant.
Weiss: Do you want to be punished? Do you want to have to read those boring books, again?
Cog-Man: No! No! I am Sorry bosses! I am sorry, please don’t make me read, “A Dance with Dungeons and Dragons” again, that was painful, and I’ve never read the books.
Benioff: We have, we have suffered for you, we have read them and we know them better than those nerds with websites.
Weiss: So, do we have the cannons ready for the Iron Born? Introducing cannons will work. It will be so epic.
Cogman: Yes, we have cannons, and we have the Lyanna and Rhaegar reveal for Jon Snow’s parents ready to go, we have the Tower of Joy with lightsabers, and we have Eddard Stark’s ghost saving Jaime and Brienne.
Weiss: Good, we need to find a way to get more Rosa scenes, she had such a great line, man I loved it
Cog-Man: Rosa Sellers did a great job as Sand Worm.
Benioff: Sand Snake!
Cog-Man: Whatever . . . . .
Benioff: There is more. I have envisioned it. Jaime and Brienne will have a sex scene in a tent at Riverrun. Sansa will be there, watching. We also have to cut Victarion. He is a Viking who fights ship to ship wearing full armor. That’s not cinematic or epic and I shall not have it in my show it is too boring. Give Ramsay a new girlfriend. Jon will fight Ramsay in the North over this girl. When Jon comes back Melisandre will control him that is the way the magic system works.
Weiss: Okay, we have the scene where Jorah dies saving Dany and then Dany and Drogon and her super khalasar go back and save everyone in Mereen and then go to Westeros and everyone worship her as deity?
Cog-Man: Yes, does Amanda know about you and Emilia spending all that time together?
Beniof: Silence, COG-MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No one talks about you taking the Croatian female extras back to your trailer…that’s why we can’t film in that country anymore
Weiss: My lord! Please! Remember, George is the enemy, the books are the enemy, book readers and their stupid online articles complaining about Sansa’s rape are the enemy.
Cog-Man: We did good on that, we really got everyone pissed off and riled up, ratings took a hit one week, but the slaves came back. They always come back. Even when we put in lines that are specifically designed to see if anyone is paying attention like “bad poosy.”
Benioff: Yes, the new Sansa plot was big risk but it helped Iwan gain roles and it helped Sophie gain roles, it was a painful scene but it really did come through well. It showed folks the danger she was in and how strong Sansa was. In real life folks aren’t spared tragedy and have to go through it.
Cogman: My lord?
Benioff: I’m kidding, we did it for shock and ratings and CHECK OUT THESE EMMYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOOYAHHH!!!!!!!
Weiss: We final beat Vince and Breaking Bad. . .
Cog-Man: Breaking Bad is a better show, and the acting beyond any of our actors, even Dinklage can’t hold a candle to Cranston.
Benioff: I am glad Peter didn’t hear you say that, he would be pissed and threaten to leave the show again, and then who would we replace him with?
Cog-Man: Bushwick Bill? Willow? The guy who played Dan Fielding’s boss on, “Night Court?”
Weiss: See you in a few days Coggy, keep it rolling brother.
Cog-Man: Bye guys. (hangs up)
Weiss: What a nerd. Good guy, I am glad he does what we say.
Benioff: Yep, he better, he better. Expletive) the books!
Weiss: (Expletive) the books! The show is now superior in every way!!!!!
(Something is opened, a pouring sound is made)
Benioff: (Expletive) George and those book nerds!
Weiss: (Expletive) them all!
Recordings Ends Same Date and Time Zone at 2142 Hours
THE ARMY OF ANGER INTELLGEINCE REPORT HAS ENDED AND WILL BE SENT TO @SERVANTONICE AND FORWARDED TO LORD ANGRY
SENSITIVE INFORMATION/FOR AOA LEADERSHIP ONLY